Potato chips, dark chocolates, eclipse mints, coca cola, dr peppers, sprite, iced lemon tea, jasmine green tea, instant pizza, fish crackers, coffee, tea, wasabi peas, brands chicken essence, powergel... basically doped up with an unusual concoction of the worlds most potent stuff...

Burnin till 5am daily, try to sleep at 3am but hands shaking, panicking, lots to do no time to do, but too tired to go on. Heart beating fast, can't sleep again, turn on those lights, keep burning. collapse around 6. Scared shitless - and its still more than 2 weeks to exams. Breakdown - cry - give up - hope to die. Just want to go back to work.

Then some hands pat my back. Friends. They remind me, tell me, talk to me, chill with me, don't sweat it. Shit. Nobody gets it. I'm in deep shit. "Joel, you'll be fine, you're smart" yea yea - I still need time. Angel comes to pick me up. Reassurance. "I'll support you no matter what". I cry. I get back up. I pray. I put on my headphones. hippity hop those good ol' rock and rolls. Pour that caffine in that cup. All pumped up. Ready to fight again. I study.

I will not give up. I have a goal to meet. I'll get there...
But I don't know how. I'm dying to get there.

I saw my plaque on my wall. Don't Quit.
Damn right I won't.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Labels: just Joel